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Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Losing Steam

I have an endo appointment in 3 weeks, which means I have to go get blood work done in 2 weeks.  It's about this time in my 4-month trip between visits called "life" that I start to lose my enthusiasm for diabetes management.  After I leave my appointments, within hours I go full force into testing frequently, counting carbs, and waiting the appropriate amount of time for the insulin to kick in.  But due to work life, home life, social life, and just life, I start to relax and think, "Eh, 216 mg/dL isn't that high."  Two hours later and still hanging out in the 200s, "I guess I should take a correction."  And instead of trying to figure out why I was high for so long from either not counting my carbs, testing my insulin:carb ratio, or tweaking my basal rate, I simply go on with my day and don't think about it. 

This trend starts with a trickle like going out with friends and wanting to leave diabetes at home, but then it just becomes part of the routine.  And before I know it, my 30-day average has jumped up by 5 mg/dL.  And I start getting relaxed on my diet, consuming well past my allotted 150 g carbs per day.  Then I start skipping workouts or stop going all together.  (Then you agree to play intramural football on a cool, windy Sunday afternoon and get so sore that you avoid walks to the bathroom because you have to go downstairs.)  All these things begin to pile up, then the calendar turns to October and you notice you have an endo appointment in 3 weeks and think, "Oh crap!" 

However, having Constance this round has helped my diabetes management a ton.  She doesn't increase my enthusiasm for testing or carb counting, more like an overbearing parent that constantly reminds you that you're high . . . every hour . . . starting at midnight.  When you have to wake up every hour to see to an inanimate object and look in the mirror wondering if you're starting to go crazy, you make sure your basal rates are spot on and you're normal before bedtime, because dangit I wanna sleep!  So even if I wanted to completely forget about diabetes in this last month, Constance wouldn't let me.  I was so excited when she first arrived, but now I find myself telling her, "You shush up now, and go to sleep!"  Maybe after the appointment, she and I will be excited about our bond and become BFFs again. 

So how do you guys handle this?  We all get excited and gung-ho about diabetes management at some point either after an appointment, diaversary, or getting a new toy (i.e. CGM), but eventually we all get burned out or simply bored with the day-to-day with diabetes.  I really don't want to watch this video to remind me to take care of myself (and that video wouldn't be that helpful anyway, give me hope over fear!).  I'm constantly reminded that living a life with diabetes is a marathon, not a sprint, and coming out of the gate full force only leads to frustration and exhaustion later. 

5 comments:

  1. "And instead of trying to figure out why I was high for so long from either not counting my carbs, testing my insulin:carb ratio, or tweaking my basal rate, I simply go on with my day and don't think about it."
    This is so me. I get burn out because I end up chasing my bgs around, rather than trying to nail them down (which, as we all know, is like trying to nail jello to the wall).

    I really have no solution to burn out...the peaks and valleys happen and we deal with it accordingly. The more important thing is getting back on track, even if we fall off a few times.

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  2. I smell what you're stepping in. I do the same thing. Sometimes (read: now) I won't put my CGM sensor back on for a couple days, both to give my sites a chance to recover, and to give me a chance to "unplug" from the full-time job of diabetes management. If I'm being honest, I think it's more of the latter. Then something stupid happens, like yesterday when I went for a run and came back with a 38 BG. The grossness of glucose tabs and regular Coke is enough to remind me to get my act together most days.

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  3. You nailed it with the marathon metaphor. We live with this darn thing constantly. We don't get a break. So.... try to find a break. It's hard. We still need to test, take insulin and pay attention but an escape from it can be good. I read, a Lot. It helps. Find something that allows your mind a break from thinking. I know this is not the best "advice" to offer as it's difficult but it has helped me through 25 years.

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  4. I think since joining up to the D-OC hearing the word "burnout" wasn't part of my vocabulary (and D-anniversary) - but I guess I've suffered from it from time to time. Remember, D's been with me most of my life since a child - so for me it's just part of life - and I try not to let diabetes rule my life. Though now with having to handle another hormonal problem (perimenopause) - I guess burnout might be more on the top burner for me with juggling my insulin so it doesn't act like it's plain water (and do dick all for control of my BG's). I'll just tell it where to go - and do the best I can :)

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  5. Just saying hello since we apparently have the same brain! I always love having a new blog to visit!

    Good luck with your upcoming appointment, and I hope you and Constance can work things out :)

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DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor, nurse, certified diabetes educator (CDE) or any medical professional of any kind. (But I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express!) Therefore, please do not use any of my postings as medical fact. I am simply a blogger expressing my highs and lows (pun intended) with diabetes. For changes in your medication, exercise regiment, or diet please consult a qualified physician.

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My name is Holly and I live in north Alabama with my hubby, two cats, and a dog.